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How to Stop Choosing the Wrong People

I’ve chosen many men because my pain and dysfunction recognized them as sources to keep the pain alive. For example, I’ve chosen angry men because anger remains something which is unresolved in myself. Some women gravitate toward unavailable men because they were abandoned or neglected in childhood. Humans are creatures of habit — our minds seek the familiar.

Research both Codependency and Trauma Bonding. This will help you discern whether you’re choosing someone out of love and compatibility, or due to your dysfunctional past/mindset.

Heal all that is unhealed in yourself. Become aware of your unconscious needs and meet them yourself, that way you don’t seek them unconsciously from someone else.

Become whole on your own so that you don’t feel that you’re lacking. Learn to approve of yourself so that you don’t seek approval from others. This way, you won’t choose people out of desperation, but rather because they would be a healthy addition to your life. You won’t settle for toxic people anymore, you’ll drop them as soon as you figure them out.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

— Carl Jung