I remember way back in like 2013 when there was a lot of asexual positivity on Tumblr and the nastiness of “ace discourse” hadn’t started to taint our dashboards yet. Back then, the positivity around asexuality prompted some interesting discussions on the role of sex in relationships. That is, a relationship shouldn’t have to focus on or even include sex in order to be successful. The pressure for sex to be a major goal of a relationship is toxic to everyone, even if you’re not asexual.
It was an interesting back-and-forth, and I think it helped me better survive the abusive relationship I was in at the time by applying some of it. But after that period of ace acceptance and positivity went away, the discussion just kind of… stopped. Replaced by shit like “no one wants to hear about how you don’t fuck” and other such nastiness. I think it would be worth talking about these things again and maybe it would help us drown out the bullying.
I’m not asexual, but I do agree that there is way too much importance placed on sex. I’ve been happily married for almost a decade, and we’re “only” in the mood roughly once a month. For a long time, I felt like this was unhealthy and that we should be doing it like RABBITS (we were young and in love, so that’s how it works, right?). It put a strain on our relationship for a long time.
Meanwhile, some people I know do it several times a week. And some people do it even less often than my partner and me. Some people aren’t interested at all.
Everyone is different and has different needs and we should all do our best to respect that.
Same same same same! Do what’s best for you and for your partner! Each relationship and each person’s needs are different.
Water Witches 