vampireapologist:

somethingwittythiswaycomes:

gallusrostromegalus:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

thinkin about the time i forgot my sunhat while i was teaching a canoeing class and my boss just stuck a giant lily pad on my head and it dried into shape and worked perfectly as a sun hat and i used it for days

y’all have it wrong this is proof that my BOSS has magical powers not me

Do you want a more permanent Lily hat? I think I can make one out of fabric for you.

Just sayin’

: O !!

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

ravenlania:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

when vampires fuck up they just pretend to be dead for a century and honestly, power move

waiter: enjoy your meal

me: you too!

me:

me: *sleeps until everyone i know is dead*

Okay but like I work as a waitress and this is actually a pleasant thing to hear, i’m eating eventually, thank you for wanting me to enjoy my meal too

this changes everything